Oh that nagging feeling.

Every friendship travels at sometime through the black valley of despair. This tests every aspect of your affection. You lose the attraction and the magic. Your sense of each other darkens and your presence is sore. If you can come through this time, it can purify with your love, and falsity and need will fall away. It will bring you onto new ground where affection can grow again. – John O’Donohue

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One year on, it seems the circle of friends gets smaller.
I do want to see community happen and flourish.
But it makes me wonder if you value it.
It seems just so one sided at times.

Left disappointed with single word replies.
Even ignored as though we don’t mean anything.
As though the years amount to nothing.
Truly, I do want to know what’s on your mind.

At times, I do want to give up.
And just hide in safety.
Maybe I’ll just have to push on.
And hopefully, just hopefully, things will get better.

But when days go quiet.
I can’t help but see how others are doing.
And wish for a simple but genuine “How are you?”
Which would have gone a long way.
Like water to quench a dry land.

When there are times to catch up,
It reminds me that there are friends that love and care.
It’s life-giving. It’s precious.
And opens the window into their life.

However it led to some discoveries.
News that I can’t help but feel shocked.
Things kept under wraps and only made known recently.
It is as though I’ve missed out on a part of their lives.
And maybe everyone is just growing up too quickly.

The question of whether I’m just lagging behind nags.
“Contentment” was the word that came to mind.
Yes, there’s are desires, dreams and longings.
But I ought to tell myself to remain thankful every step of the way.
Learning to trust in the greater plans there is to come.

And hopefully, those nagging feelings will go away.

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